Second-guessing,

Self-obsessing

Gaslighting, Paralyzing,

Philosophizing, Metastasizing,

Analyzing, Mystifying

Hunger, Thirst, Fire starting, Sex, Thrills, Fantasizing

Crying, Screaming, Is it lying?

Why is it afraid of dying? Why’s it hung up on surviving?

Can’t hear my thoughts, All the ones I’ve fought!

If you caught a glimpse inside my head you’d never sleep again,

If you saw…

My Inner Monologue

 

It’s just my inner monologue

Won't affect the facade I maintain

It’s Just a white room I can hide in and confide in so I can complain

 

A place where I can store all my favorite things

A place where I can keep my sick pleasure and pain

A place where I can tear off all the chains

 

A place where I can plan a robbery

No one's stopping me mocking me

No one can call the cops on me

It’s just a fantasy

What I do up here is blasphemy

Can’t take control of me

Make of fool of me

Where no one else can see

This person I can't be

 

It's my inner monologue….

Don't step inside my brain, Otherwise you might see I'm insane

I’m insane

 

It’s just my inner monologue

My unspoken dialogue, is everything outside it just fake?

Am I fake?

 

I'm just outstanding at pretending that I'm really okay!

I’m okay!

 

All the prayers I made to God

Memories of battles lost

Wondering if I’m a pawn in somebody else's

sick game

 

A place where I imagine all the things that I don't own

A place where I can murder all the people that I loathe

A place for things I hope you know

 

And the things I don’t know why I know

but I could never try to show

the people that I think I know.

But they don't really know that

they're an actor in a show

and my soliloquy is all I own

when I go home,

I’m all alone

 

It's my inner monologues

 

It's just my inner monologue

The thing that goes on and on

And it's a devil to all my gods, my gods

Reminds me of my needs and wants

And who knows if it ever stops

Somewhere between dusk and dawn and dawn

If it stops, am I gone…

​

​

US

As we take water from the well

And it’s splendor expels

I know there’s nothing else left here for me

 

We could drown or we could dry out…

or we could use what’s left in there to grow.

 

Grow a garden in the ground

Nurture it and just myself

Hope the water can be stretched into a river…

 

and even if it’s just stream

that would be okay with me

but there’ll be no water left if we just drink.

 

We could drown or we could dry out…

or we could use what’s left in there to go!

 

We could take our separate rivers coast to coast

And when we reach the sea we can see who we can be

With the ocean at our side, you and me

​

The French Fry Song

When you wake up 

And your stuck in a rut

And your dreading all the things that are bound to come up in your day

I know sometimes it's easy to say

I'm gonna stay in bed all day

Hide my stupid face (Face)

I know what your thinkin’

 

Its a dream or a vision

Of a fire in your kitchen

Or a social interaction 

That you cannot fathom

Or a moral maxim 

You feel you should question

It's not even 10 am

 

You staring at the ceiling

Your water glass is half empty 

That wine that you drank last night just left you shitty

You pray to God someone thinks your pretty today

It's so easy to look up and say

 

There's too many dishes and not enough French fries

Too many misses and not enough bullseyes

All I do is think, where is my therefore I

What the hell is life, and why do I prioritize

 

All the problems in my mind

I wrote this song instead of going to work

Scrolling on tiktok for these little bursts

Of dopamine that don't even lasts

Feeling vital one moment, then longing for the past

 

It's the one consistancey in life they say

Anxiety is that price that we pay

If your not depressed your stressed and that the best we can make

 

Of it might be

 

CHORUS

 

Do I got money on the side

The well is running dry

 

Not enough kisses and too many tough guys

Not enough taxes for all those fucking

Rich boys

Not enough love and too many racists                                

That say they know God but they're actually bigots

 

And I won't pretend it should be all sunshine and rainbows

But a few wouldn't hurt       

Think a little different and go with the ebs and flos

                                   

Watch reruns of conversations from years ago, in my head

Wondering if I shoulda said yes or no                                                    

Should I have said this word, was that super awkward 

4 o’clock thoughts creeping up like clockwork

Who is the author of this old book and

What glasses will they wear when they look

At his soul, that they’ll never really see

When was he me

 

I’ve been pushed this and that way and sideways

Playing my life all inside my head backwards

Like a video cassette

And my mom hated it…

when I left the tv screen on, she didn’t want to spoil the ending

 

And I liked to see walk back

Before they knew better

When the livin’ and dead were together

And nobody grew because they didn’t have to

When no sacrifice was made

No white knights were created

When lovers were star-crossed

And no one was jaded and I…

 

Was a feather in the wind

In those first fifteen minutes

 

Before I stepped into this…

Into this monomyth

Before I kissed your lips

 

When I was feather in the wind

And know I’m just the pen

 

Pressing down far too hard on this paper

Hoping that someone else wants to remember

Like me….

 

And now…

My windshield cracks but I see clearer

My window is gone but I have a mirror

And I know in someways that’s better

As I try to swallow each letter…

 

I must want someone to read….

And know it’s not complete….

 

Food wouldn’t cook if there were no fires

We wouldn’t love if nothing expired

And I…..

 

Don’t need a legacy to breathe…

Or a prophecy to be….

Just know that old book…

Might be worth a look…

 

Before the flowers bloom…

And the villains fall to their doom…

 

In those first couple chapters,

Where the magic happens,

That’s really me, oh so

Selfish and dumb

That’s why I wrote it all down….

So I could see…

If that’s what I’ll be…

​

​

Dying Dream

I don’t know why

I fell for you

I tried not to

My dreams came true

 

I don’t know what

You saw me

But suddenly

I worried

 

I’d lose you

I’d lose you

I don’t want to…

 

Feelings like that just don’t come along

They sneak up behind you and prove your heart wrong

I know that I felt it. I swore you did too…

But in the end you’re just a dying dream… dream come true.

 

I don’t know why

It’s not my fault

We’re at a halt

It’s time to talk

 

I don’t know how

But now we’re here

Entranced with fear

And now it’s clear

 

I lost you

I lost you

I didn’t want you

 

Feelings like that just don’t come along

They sneak up behind you and prove your heart wrong

I know that I felt it. I swore you did too

But in the end, you’re just a dying dream… dream come true

 

I’m not one to talk metaphors and broken dreams but this is reality, no sense in similes, every time she got close to me

I was pushed further and further away

 

Throw it in the trash with the rest of your yesterdays

Thoughts don’t just go astray, I’m the one left to say that for both our sakes

Someday we’ll finally see

 

Feelings like that just don’t come along

They sneak up behind you and prove your heart wrong

I know that I felt it. I swore you did too

But in the end you’re just a dying dream… a dying dream come true!

​

​

We Can’t Breathe

 

 Let the locusts fly

Let the locusts fly

Let the locusts fly

Let the locusts fly

 

Wolf eats the moon we pretend its still there

These 4 horses can’t be saddled without care

Cuz we filled their water bowls with alcohol

And nobody can touch til Demeter falls

 

We can’t breathe so we can’t sing these haunting melodies

And you can’t see so hopefully you have no memories

 

Let the vultures fly

Let the vultures fly

Let the Levy dry

Let the levy dry

 

The mind shuts down when the Open light is up

The peasants go there just to fill their children’s cup

They throw on bricks when they decide to weigh your heart

But soon as its a devil in blue they don’t know where to start

 

Let the people die

Let the people die

Let the people die

Let the people die

 

We can’t breathe so we can’t sing these haunting melodies

And you can’t see so hopefully you have no memories

 

No one else to pry

No one else to pry

 

I can’t breathe so I can’t sing these haunting melodies

And you can’t see so hopefully you have no memories

 

I can’t breathe

I can’t breathe. . .

Just like a ship on the ocean

Just like a planet in motion

You never seem to fade away

I hear every word your sayin’

I pretend I am not listenin

You won’t fucking go away

 

It’s like 1000 degrees and I don’t wanna go outside

 

I can’t see why so why in hell do we lie..

To keep a flame goin when I’m so sure It’ll die…

 

When You know that she, she ain’t the one

And that you’ve just been sucked up

Into lessons of love

That you can’t get out of because 

She had that essence of love

From the heavens above

The angel that you could not have

Because you lack…

 

Those lessons of love

You could dig yourself into a hole so

You don’t come up until your shadow

I won’t ever shine a light

 

Just like a fire on the ocean

Just another engulfed in the motion

I can’t get out of bed

 

As the passion heats up, I can’t seem to leave your side

There’s a glue that contains me so why the hell do I try

To contain my feelings when I could just say goodbye…

 

When You know that she, she ain’t the one

And that you’ve just been sucked up

Into lessons of love

That you can’t get out of because 

She had that essence of love

From the heavens above

The angel that you could not have

Because you lack…

Those lessons of love.

​

Madame Romance

28 missed calls and a bracelet charm that u gave to me when u left

4 little notes and a thousand words I can't seem to forget

My life's on trial and my hearts been hung

To your judging eyes

Even on the mere thought of u being gone

I'm terrified…

 

I did one thing wrong and It wasn't suppose to be another ten

U lifted one finger but I guess I didn't know it meant

Few crude words ive heard In the past

From those charming lips

It sounds crazy but only one person 

Can give me my fix…

 

Madame romance

Sing to me, give me one more dance

If u never met me u never woulda had the chance

To take my love and my light and leave me in the dark

Oh madame romance give one more night

B4 u break me, break my body, b4 u break my heart

Madame romance

 

2 ppl in a full ballroom it wasn't built for 3

But 14 cushioned chairs and mines the only one that was empty

Id try to kiss her but the problem is

She Won't kiss you first

Shes just a maneater shell shed u to bits

She calls no one sir

 

 

Madame romance

Sing to me, give me one more dance

If u never met me u never woulda had the chance

To take my love and my light and leave me in the dark

Oh madame romance give one more night

B4 u break me, break my body, b4 u break my heart

Madame romance

​

​

Without A Trace

As I walk on by

Through the sands of time

And the fateful winds throw dust in my eyes

 

Does the journey make me wise

Or am I getting more blind

Do I grow closer or further from the light

 

As I get old I see another man inside the glass

And what I’m told I need is fading fast

For the people that we meet are just echoes from the past

 

Another line

Another gene

Another man gets seen

It won’t be me

It won’t be me

Another time

Another place

Another lonely face

Without a trace

 

If I look up high

Through the holes in the sky

Hoping shard of glass don’t fall upon my eyes

 

Does the fire that I find

Give power to my kind

Do I stronger or weaker in the fight or weaker in the mind

 

As the sun sets on I seek some simple tomorrows

and the complex yesterdays will not be known

I am one in a trillion voices who won’t echo

 

Another month

another sign

some other stars align

They won’t be mine

They won’t be mine

Another one

Another me

Another soul in need

Where should I be?

Where should I be?

 

No need for prophecy

When your killing me

No need for legacy

When deaths my destiny

I’m destined to be beat

Beat by the hourglass

No need to trudge forward when you already have

 

The very thing I need

It’s in my chemistry

Has my biology

 Already told me who I am going to be

 

And was it ever up to me?

​

…And We’re Back!

Faith is easy

Loving is hard

Learning doesn’t always make you feel smart

 

In fact it’ll tear you it’ll tear you it’ll tear you apart

 

God forbid we destroy your sanctuary 

Replace it with a library

 

We’d be back

Reading books in bed 

Hoping fairy tales have a place in here somewhere 

 

We’d be back 

Fighting fires instead

With words that actually mean something 

 

Questions are easy

Answers are hard

The Oracle says you are the wisest

You think that you’re the smartest despite this

 

You’re missing an eye

It’s missing a you

Cuz why would it bother with someone else’s point of view

Here’s to you

 

Now you’re back 

Bitchin bout someone 

you ain’t ever met hopin’ there to blame for somethin’

 

And you’re back

Hopin’ outer space is a hoax

So you can blame the commie government 

 

And you’re back

Takin orders from another billionaire

Hopin’ he’ll makes you feel somethin’

 

Bitching is easy

Life isn’t fair

Most of us will do nothing

And God just won’t care

 

You’re like a princess

But you’ve cut off your hair

Someone wanted to save you

We wanted to care

 

Now we’re back

Asking for the love that wasted hoping it won’t fade

 

And we’re back 

With a headline crying about another person that lost their way

 

Yeah we’re back

Drawing lines in the sand that mean nothing to each grain

 

Yes, we’re back 

Isn’t life mundane